My favorite Jim Gaffigan joke:
"When you don't drink, people always need to know why. They're like, 'You don't drink? Why?' This never happens with anything else. 'You don't use mayonnaise? Why? Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise?"
P.S. I'm very excited about the fact that Comedy Central is going to air a new Jim Gaffigan stand-up special on the 29th. :D