My favorite "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts"

[fangirl1981]

I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark
Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.

Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back."

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

Bringing fortune cookies to Diviniation class does not count for extra credit.

It is not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony."

I will not address the Professor with a loud "Heil Umbridge!" and accompanying salute.

Screaming "VOLDEMORT!" in crowded hallways is not in good taste.

I will not send shampoo to Snape's office, no matter how badly he needs it.

Singing "Slytherins are Sexier" in Potion's class will not get me extra points.

I am not allowed to declare an offical "Hug A Slytherin Day".